The accounting of almost-relationships
A situationship is hard to describe but easy to count, which is exactly why the receipt format fits.
You cannot summarise "we talked every day for four months and then he moved to Denver" in a caption,
but you can print PLANS THAT NEVER HAPPENED x8 and everyone understands immediately. The
deadpan of a fixed-width till roll does the emotional work: no adjectives, just quantities.
Worked example: the full itemisation
The default preset produces this card. Only one line is numeric — the suspiciously retail-priced EMOTIONAL DAMAGE at 89.99 — so the total keeps that number and drags the text prices behind it:
SITUATIONSHIP RECEIPT ISSUED TO: YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE -------------------------------- MIXED SIGNALS x99 'WYD' TEXTS AT 1AM x34 PLANS THAT NEVER HAPPENED x8 EMOTIONAL DAMAGE 89.99 CLOSURE out of stock -------------------------------- TOTAL 89.99 + x99 + x34 + x8 + out of stock
The total — 89.99 + x99 + x34 + x8 + out of stock — runs to 37 characters, five past the
32-character paper, so the layout pushes it below the word TOTAL and wraps it exactly the way a
thermal printer wraps a too-long line: at the last space that fits, leaving stock alone
on the final line. Somehow the wrapping makes it sadder, which is correct.
Line ideas, sorted by energy
| Line item | Suggested price | Energy |
|---|---|---|
| MIXED SIGNALS | x99 | classic |
| 'WYD' TEXTS AT 1AM | x34 | classic |
| ALMOST-DATES | x8 | wistful |
| SPOTIFY PLAYLISTS DECODED | x17 | forensic |
| EMOTIONAL DAMAGE | 89.99 | petty (numeric, so it totals) |
| THERAPY COPAY | 25 | petty but real |
| CLOSURE | out of stock | devastating |
| MY DIGNITY | final sale | devastating |
A composition note: exactly one or two numeric prices works best here. 89.99 + 25 = 114.99
at the bottom of a list of text prices reads like an actual damage assessment, which is the joke.
Related receipts
If it worked out after all, upgrade to the love receipt for Valentine's Day or the anniversary. If the real one who held you together through it was your best friend, they have earned a friendship receipt. And all six presets — including mom and graduation — are one click away in the receipt card maker.